One of the reasons I came to Denmark is because I wanted to get out of Cleveland for a while (to say the least). I had my ups and downs like any teenage in high school, and primary school was absolute hell!!!!!!!!! I felt like I needed more; I didn't like where I was going emotionally - I felt unstable.
Denmark has totally changed that, I have been here for seven months (out of the twelve) and I have already achieved what I wanted; I've grown up. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to get older, I wish I could stay 18 forever. But what I mean by 'growing up' is my newfound complacency with everything. I'm struggling to find the words of how I feel - steady, stable, calm, happy, grateful... I know exactly where I am in life; even though my feet are far from being 'on the ground'.
My embarrassing emotional moment that I am suffering right now is because I was stupid enough to browse through old photos that held some of my favourite memories. It made me realise that I was living with so much unnecessary greed - I was adamant on having the most amazing best friend, with something to do every minute of the weekend. I couldn't understand why other people would have plans on a certain Saturday night, and I wouldn't. I digress from the initial point of my blog... but to this I would just like to add - who cares? Who cares if you only have five friends? I can guarantee from experience, that those five friends are better than thirty or forty. You can't be friends with everyone, and you can't make real time for thirty people every weekend.
Back to the point! I wanted to focus on the important people that have made each year of my life better than the last. As I said, I was looking at photos and it brought me to reminisce about how many fun times I had... It did make me sad at first, because I used to dwell (to a ridiculous point) on why things had to end. How could I be inseparable with someone for months, then it come to such an abrupt and strange end? But if I have learnt anything being an exchange student - it's that everything changes, but nothing ends. I might not be best friends with those people anymore, but I have the memories, and we have the history. We will all make new friends who will again come and go, and again we'll make more memories that will go down in our own history. What's important is to do what we enjoy. Yesterday one of my friends said to me - "I will never do anything that I don't enjoy; never again". What I loved most about what she said, was the passion, I just loved that she meant it.
I am just so thankful for life; I am so grateful for my family and friends, I love to reminisce about how great life has been - but I no longer dwell on what is gone. "Be not spiteful for what you don't have, but grateful for what you do".
I was going to name those who have given me some of the greatest memories, but then I realised that I would have to name almost everyone I have met. Be it an entire year, or just a day - everyone I have shared love, life or joy with - I owe thanks to.
It seems that I sound like a hippy, tree hugger, I am aware. But to those who are sceptical, I have to ask if you realise what you have? Life, love and liberty. Do what makes you happy!
The reason I am writing this on my blog, is because I am so fully aware of how amazing life is, and how lucky I am. But does everyone else? It's easy to say "Yes Riley, but you're off spending a year in Denmark while I study uni/work/die of boredom". But what I do in Denmark is little different to what I did in Australia. I am with friends on the weekend, family during the week, I go to school and spend far to much time on facebook at all hours of the day. I do almost exactly what you are doing. I may be having an experience, but I am also 16 000 km from my mum (my absolute other half), I live on a tight budget and obey strict rules of exchange. I am constantly put in severely awkward situations where I know no one, and don't even speak the same language. I am making new friends, but I am going to have to say goodbye in five months.
I admit I am lucky because I was able to come on exchange, and it truly does change your life; it changes the way you think when you are taken out of routine. Even more, I believe that it has to be a realisation of how much you have. As much as I can write to you, and tell you to be thankful and grateful - it has to come from within. I have no doubt that everyone knows they are lucky... that they don't live in a war or flood zone. But with my realisation of "life", I have also found an intolerance to people who are ungrateful. More than anything I idol people who are strong in truly tough situations. I will always be a friend if someone needs me, but I won't surround myself with people who pity themselves for tedious 'problems'.
I write to inspire, not because I am inspirational (haha, not in the least!). But if I can believe my friends and family to be as happy as I, or if they can take joy from mine (be it just my mum) - then that's just another piece of me fulfilled. Even if I get this all wrong, even if what I am saying makes you think i'm an idiot - it's just a blog, and these are just a few thoughts from reminiscing over the past five years.
You are so well-written!
ReplyDeleteIt warms my heart to know that you feel this way about your life. And when life ever gets tough, you can always pop up this blog, and remind yourself how amazing life really is.
And no, you don't become a hippie just because you actually think of the values of life and learn to appreciate it. And if anyone ever calls you that, it's just because they're too ignorant to realize it themselves. You do inspire! Though I already love life quite a bit, both with the ups and downs :) Keep sharing your thoughts like this!
Love Kristine